June Horoscope

The monthly revision of what the future will bring you. Accurate and clear as milk.

Aquarius
For good or for bad, the Brexit votes will affect you, because even the motion of the smallest thing can affect you and because you are Aquarius and you are sensible to these things. Plus, during this month you will watch at least one film, as long as you want to spend time on that activity. And remember, don’t forget to take decisions or others will take decisions in your name. I do know this is the first time you read a sentence like the one before.

Pisces
You will be stolen. Your heart will be stolen. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man who likes to steal other people’s organs. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man who likes to steal other people’s organs to take care of their feelings.
Anyway, do not be surprised if this does not happen to you.

Aries
You are going to think about how unhappy looks Pharrel William’s song Happy now. Likewise, you will think in a purple elephant, a flying pig, the Eiffel Tower finished (because it is not finished, isn’t it?), and a greenish sky turning blue. By now, you will also have thought about what I have written in the last sentence and you know it to be true. Continue reading

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May Horoscope

Our monthly revision of what the future will bring you. Accurate and clear, as always. If it was not accurate and clear, it could not be our monthly revision, it would be other’s revision.

Aquarius

My beloved Aquarius. A great month awaits you. You will visit a room with toilets several times. There, you will be released of a load that you will need to drop. After these visits, you will feel renewed and ready for facing whatever threat the world has prepared you.

Pisces

My sneaky Pisces. May will bring you exploration. You will explore your emotional needs, finding ways to satisfy those needs, if you know what I mean. About your economy, good news are also about to come true. You will find a coin lying on the ground. Pisces, this is undoubtedly your lucky month, and that can only mean one thing: prepare yourself for the storm that will be waiting for you in June. Continue reading

April Horoscope

Our monthly revision of what the future will bring you. Accurate and clear.

Aquarius

This month, you might decide to put your ass in a new setting: go to the same club or look for a different one in order to feel refreshed. Although you might not decide anything. Whatever it happens, remember this: I told you. Continue reading

Horoscope for Pisces

My dear and lovely flowers of passion also called Pisces, today you can get rid of all your fears, because Uranus is shifting into reverse gear tomorrow. So you can do whatever you want to do, doesn’t matter what others think. Likewise, Saturn aspects retrograde Venus and Mars, meaning that you have some fears that you can’t get rid of, even though Uranus is shifting into reverse gear. Therefore, if you have fears perhaps you get rid of them of perhaps you don’t. I hope you have it more clear now.
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