June Horoscope

The monthly revision of what the future will bring you. Accurate and clear as milk.

Aquarius
For good or for bad, the Brexit votes will affect you, because even the motion of the smallest thing can affect you and because you are Aquarius and you are sensible to these things. Plus, during this month you will watch at least one film, as long as you want to spend time on that activity. And remember, don’t forget to take decisions or others will take decisions in your name. I do know this is the first time you read a sentence like the one before.

Pisces
You will be stolen. Your heart will be stolen. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man who likes to steal other people’s organs. Your heart will be stolen by some bear’s paws named Hugo, a hairy man who likes to steal other people’s organs to take care of their feelings.
Anyway, do not be surprised if this does not happen to you.

Aries
You are going to think about how unhappy looks Pharrel William’s song Happy now. Likewise, you will think in a purple elephant, a flying pig, the Eiffel Tower finished (because it is not finished, isn’t it?), and a greenish sky turning blue. By now, you will also have thought about what I have written in the last sentence and you know it to be true.

Taurus
New experiences await you. Feelings that you have never felt this month will come to you. These feelings could be good or not. Summing up: you will feel things.

Gemini
On the other side, it is you, Gemini. You will feel nothing at all. Though you will try, nothing will happen. There is like an emotional emptiness that you will not be able to manage due to the presence of Mars in the third house, second floor. But do not worry, because Mars will take the elevator by the end of this month.

Cancer
Many odd people will appear in your life this month. An horde of unusual beings will be set in your town or village. They will talk to themselves, and will act like zombies, while carrying a little screen in their hands. They will touch that screen with their fingers, provoking excitement in their bodies. An usual month.

Leo
A meteorite will fall in Saturn. It will trigger a big explosion in this planet and will spare a huge amount of sand and rock. As a result, an extremely big hole will be placed next to the meteorite. That meteorite will be carrying some kind of creature with superpowers named Superman. However, he will need oxygen for living, so he will die. That meteorite was supposed to fall in the Earth but you know, shit happens. You have to be very good measuring the coordinates and in this case, the aliens did it wrong and thrown the poor Superman to Saturn. Next time, they will be luckier. What does this have to do with Leo? A lot, you will see…

Virgo
You will be attacked by hundreds of pigeons. They will spray you with a viscous liquid. That viscous liquid will come from the gates of hell. If you own a white car, pigeons will black it. If you own a dark car, pigeons will white it. If your car has a different colour, do not worry, the pigeons will always find out what colour suits better.

Libra
Libra, you will stand in front of a TV. There, you will see a person. This person will perform the same movements that you do. At the end of the month, you will realise that it was not a TV but a mirror. If you are not a cat, you will have a fine month.

Scorpio
You have been thinking in something and you can not take that “something” out of your mind. In June you will remain the same.

Sagittarius
All your wishes will become true without effort. You will be wealthy, although you will experience difficulties to find out how to expense your infinite amount of money. You will also buy a spectacularly fast car, which will make the envy of planes. It will be a hell of a dream.

Capricorn
Many tasks will be needed to be done. You will be there, watching how all those tasks will remain undone. Nevertheless, you will always have the hope that those tasks will be done by themselves, and that day will come and they will be called robots. But robots will not come in June, so the tasks will be undone.


You can find how right I am with my predictions by clicking here.

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6 thoughts on “June Horoscope

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