What is it like to be bald?

There is no feeling that can be compared with the experience of being bald. It is more than a way of life. It is a way of being. Of being hairless.

But, where does the bald hair go? To the ears, of course. That is the price to pay for not having hair at the top of your body. Sometimes (most of the times, actually) all that hair does not fit in the ears, so it also appears in the back. Yes, the bald person is the hairiest human specie. But, why? Nature is wise, so it tries to compensate the cold in the head with warm in the rest of the body, and that can only be done by adding some extra hairs to specific key points.

Another question that non-bold people usually ask themselves is where the bald forehead ends. Many researches have been carried in this regard. Unfortunately, no answers were found. Independent scholars have claimed that if a person wants to find out where the end of a bald’s forehead ends, they will have to put a wig in their heads and where the wig touches the forehead, in that very point will be the end of their heliports. However, the Royal Institute of the Hairless Hopes (RIHHs) argue that the forehead size will depend on the kind of wig to use, so “you can never tell the exact size of a forehead if you use a random wig”. Despite that, it exists the “clown wig centimetres”, which is the measurement of a forehead by using clown wigs in order to standardise the sizes.

Nevertheless, being bald or living close to a bald person brings many advantages for the population in general. One of the most important ones is that it attracts the solar energy. This process of attraction makes the bald’s head brighter than the summer sun. Therefore, a cloudy day in a city full of bald beings will make a grey day blue or not as grey. Likewise, the bald energy is non-polluting, so you will be helping in the fight against non-renewable energies. You will not need to fuel you car’s tank again, because if it is driven by bald, their energy will be more than enough to power you vehicle. If you own a lorry or a bus, you will need between three and four bald people, depending on the engine.

But that is not it. Do you remember the film Aladdin? In that film (and in others), the characters had to rub a lamp for a genie to come out and then, they will get three wishes. Perhaps, you do not have a lamp but it happens that you own a bald. Or maybe you have both. If you have both, you can throw the lamp to the garbage because the bald is quite better. You can ask as many wishes as you want. You only have to rub or kiss their head and all your wishes will come true.

Therefore, to be bald is to be an object of society to be used for any kind of ritual. Nevertheless, inside that chrome dome, there is a human being like no other. A human being with a strong personality, a firm attitude and a shiny head.

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