Is it a plane? Is it a man? No, it is a rat dressed like a bird. That is the most accurate definition of what a pigeon is. At least chickens lay eggs. But pigeons are better than that. They don’t study. They don’t work and of course they don’t hunt, unless they see you with crisps.

During their existence, they were able to tame and train an army of elderly people to feed them with bread and grandchildren’s food.

Besides subjecting the old age, pigeons have also developed another special characteristic. They are able to cross in front of you of a sudden, when you are peacefully walking. But of course, pigeons don’t cross you in any given time. They don’t. They just do it when you are thinking in something extremely important. Something that would change your life up and down. That something is forgotten when they cross you, scaring the hell out of you. And that is not done by chance.

Birds usually fly in flocks. But not all. Pigeons are more independent. However, everything changes if we speak about defecation. They just gather for pooping. It is believed to be the only specie that performs such a behaviour. Human beings hung out together for watching a film, having a drink or taking a walk. Pigeons hung out together for shitting.

But do the pigeons defecate anywhere? Obviously they don’t. They look for a specific colourful place, in order not to be colourful anymore: a yellow car, a green facade, or a recently cleaned pavement. As they do it all together, they make you think it is raining, until you find out that it wasn’t a white shirt what you were wearing when you went out of your house.

But that’s not it. The sound pigeons do, which is called coo, is the most disgusting animal sound that have existed in this planet and in its history. This coo that they perform, is similar to the sound that really old people do when they are about to say something but in the end they don’t.

You could think that at least they sing. They don’t. It must be the only kind of bird which doesn’t sing. They are just made to conquer cities by annoying its inhabitants.

Anyway, I would like to say that I respect pigeons, even though they don’t respect me. I have never touched any of their feathers and I will never do.

Coming soon, I will praise the figure of the seagull, also known as the mutant pigeon.

No pigeons were harmed in the writing of this post.


10 thoughts on “Pigeons

  1. Pingback: Lateman | The Galician Lad

  2. Lol I don’t think I’ve ever read such an accurate description of pigeons they really are rats with wings. The worst is when they flap in your face and how great their aim is when they’re flying and manage to somehow shit directly on your hair. It’s incredible.

    Liked by 1 person

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