Even though it happened thousands of years ago, I remember the garden of Eden like it was yesterday. What a place! It was like High Park but without foreigners or runners. There, you could find anything, and when I say everything, I mean everything but Wi-Fi. You might think that my memories of such a place are full of happiness and joy, but they aren’t.
I was told by a sir who called himself all-powerful God, that I could take anything from the garden except the apples of an apple tree. And I said “ok, I got it”. But nobody explained me nothing about any devil shaped like a serpent. God, you missed that. I mean, I see a nice snake who comes towards me and tells me to eat one of those apples to be as powerful as God and what do you want me to do? You should’ve explained me the whole story, Lord. How on earth could I guess such a blessed madness?
And what can I tell you about the punishments. “Alright, I’m gonna punish Adam with hard work,” God said. Ok, at least if he worked, he could get something from that work. Then, he gives the serpent the punishment of crawling on the ground. What a punishment that was, my god! I would like to know how the serpent was supposed to move before. Because as far as I could gather, the f***ing snake was already crawling when she offered me the damned apple. And finally, you punish me with bearing children with great pain. Maybe for you, nowadays girls, who may have one or two children as much, is not a big deal, but I remember when I was with Adam after we were punished. He was always planting the seed on me, and of course, I was always pregnant. What a life of suffering!
Here, the one to blame should be God. In which moment you come with the crazy idea of creating humans who could sin? If you created us with sins, you are the sinner. And then, like a mamma’s boy you punish us all for your sins. Lovely work you’ve done God, really lovely… But if you want to know, yes, I can still remember that apple. It was the richest apple I’ve ever tasted until Steve Jobs came out of his garage. I was supposed to die after eating it. But here I am, ovulating still.
Eve, the one from Adam and Eve.
Inspired by: Memory