I am Going to Bother You

Sorry to bother you. I do not intend to bother you.

These are the first two sentences that a middle-aged woman asserted to David. And he wondered, “if you do not want to bother me, why do you say so twice?” It was obviously mysterious. And of course, his suspicions were real.

The middle-aged woman, wanted him to sign for something and give him money for a quite estrange cause. But if she is not trying to bother him, why is she trying to make her pay for a matter that he knew nothing about it? So many questions and all of them had the word bother in some part of the interrogative sentence.

She insisted in giving her money, but he could not and he would not. Besides, he had heard about some people in the town trying to get money out of an association which did not exist. David was completely sure that the lady was one of those people.

But for some reason or another, he did not care about the fake organisation. He was more interested in how she had approached him. How she said a few times that she was not intended to bother him. Then, he started to think how the conversation would be if the middle-aged woman had said: “Excuse me, I am going to bother you”.

“Excuse me, but I’m gonna bother you. I’m gonna bother you really hard.” She was pointing him with her finger.
“But I have no time for that. I’m sorry.” He replied quickly.
“Don’t you worry boy, I’m gonna bother you anyway,” said the woman happily while she was touching David with her index finger several times at the same rhythm in the same point, in the chest. It was quite annoying for David. In fact, he was sweating. The woman continued, “I want you to give me your money for a company who help rich people to share money.”
“And why are you asking me? I’m not rich,” David said, feeling shocked.
“But I’m not gonna help you, I’m gonna help rich people,” she answered naughtily.
“By giving them more money?” David could not believe what he was hearing.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” Her index finger had not stopped touching him in the chest. Her voice sounded like a Disney’s Witch.
“Alright, but I’m not giving you a cent. I’m sorry.” David tried to go but he could not.
The woman grabbed him and caressed him very softly, trying to seduce him. Her voice was still sounding like a Disney’s witch and now, David was realising that her aspect was also quite similar to the typical fairytale witch.
“Give me something, you sweet boy, my cherry bomb, my little hummingbird,” said the “Witch”, with her witchy voice and speaking very loud.
Everyone around was staring at them, and David was having a really bad time because of the creepy woman.
“I’ll give you an apple if you give me some euros.” The woman took a reddish apple out of her bag and rub it up over her body, performing sexual movements. “Come on, take the apple. You’re gonna like it and you know it.” Her sexual voice was emerging out of her mouth as she said so. David was scared of the situation and scared of what he was starting to happen inside his pants.
“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go,” and he went running as much as he could.
But the middle-aged witch woman was not about to give up. She went running after him. As she had many coins and tins in her bag and over her body, she made a strong noise while she was running. It was like a hundred bells ringing at the same time. Noise pollution.
David noticed he was being pursued by the woman. He looked back for a second and he saw the woman running with her hands up in the air (like she was in a David Guetta’s concert). She was holding the red apple in one of the hands and a broom in the other.

David laughed out loud and got into his helicopter.

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